Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hippo gnu deer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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