There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
