guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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