I have demons in me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
