Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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