Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
