I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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