You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
