Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
