Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize