This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
