i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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