if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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