Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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