apparently the secret to your success is patron
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
