how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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