sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
