Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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