all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
