not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
