Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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