Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
