you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
