I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
