im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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