we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
