mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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