i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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