out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize