There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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