This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
