Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
