Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
