its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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