Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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