There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
