Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize