And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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