Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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