I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
