have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
