Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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