All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
