You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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