dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You are a genius and a whore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
