Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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