Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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