I want you more than these girls want KFC
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
