I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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