can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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