By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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