On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
