I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
