peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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