Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come share oat with me in your robe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
