I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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