tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
