So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
