after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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